Yoga Skit

The following is a story about a fictional yoga professional who has some mishaps whilst doing his yoga… enjoy :P

Hi there my name is Rudey and I love Yoga to bits. My girlfriend isn’t that big of a fan but I don’t mind. As long as I’m having fun I guess.

I was in the kitchen and I heard some noise coming from the lounge room. It sounded like a chainsaw just humming as it was turned on. Then all of a sudden I heard some screeches of tyres drifting around a corner. I heard a fart noise… it was myself. Then I heard a bubbling boopy sound.

To investigate the noise I walked into the lounge room with my brave face on. I had a look around the corner and could see Daisy the Cavoodle. She likes to make those noises. I always forget she likes to experiment with those. Then she pounced on the TV remote and turned on the TV.

“May you all stand on your left leg and get into position,” said the youngish lady on the television. Oh my gosh the yoga is on TV. I line myself up with the TV and stand on one foot. I accidentally wobble and fall over hitting my head on the lounge room table. “owww” I say. “Shut up Rudey” says my girlfriend.

I stood back up on my two feet because I only have two of those and I stand on one foot. I balance as best I can. “May you stand on your other foot” said the youngish lady again. So I stand on my right foot. A little bit wobbly on the foot I come crashing into the window and break it. “OWW” I say. “I’ll call the ambulance but you shouldn’t do that again Rudey”.

Then the ambulance arrived and rocked up with a stretcher. They hoisted me onto it and covered my head with a tarp. It was covered in grandma like postie stickers. Then we drove away as if we were in the bat mobile and headed to the hospital.

At the hospital I lay in a hospital bed and kept making a request that peeved off some of the nurses. I asked them all for one thousand cordials. It took over an hour of pestering the staff to finally get the cordials. A lovely man romped into the room and handed me one thousand glasses of cordials. I know he did because I was good at counting in Grade One and I knew how to do that. One hundred comes after Ninety nine and one thousand comes after sixty or something like that.

I enjoyed the cordials for the rest of the afternoon until my girlfriend arrived. She was allowed to take me home so that is where we headed.

When we arrived home she told me that I should give up yoga. I told her that I can’t because I’m a world champion of five times. I was not going to give up on my dream of being the best yoga champion of the lands I live in. So I headed to the lounge room and turned on the TV. I saw a couple of infomercials selling non stick pans that you can use to cook mayonnaise and hot cross buns at the same time. It was a revolutionary thing. I got my phone and bought one in a few seconds. Then I switched over to Micheal Bevin. That’s channel seven. On channel seven was some yoga from the beautiful lady called Silluetta.

“Okay ladies and gentlemen and all folks watching this, get ready for downward dog.” As she got into position I got into position as well. All of a sudden when I got into position I tore my hamstring. “OWWIE” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I had my phone In my pocket so I was able to call the ambos myself this time. I hoped that they wouldn’t drop me more than eight times on the stretcher because last time they kept dropping me on my face off the stretcher. The ambos rocked up and hoisted me away.

At the hospital I lay in bed and this time they gave me a television. I watched the TV and on it I could see myself drinking one thousand cordials. I enjoyed this film and watched it for hours. When my girlfriend arrived at the hospital she couldn’t find my room that quick.

All of a sudden the lights in the room went out. Darkness. The black overwhelmed me as I couldn’t see. That’s cool because I was blind anyway. How can I tell that the room went pitch black? You may ask this but I can also taste how much light is in the air.

All of a sudden I heard someone say “I am batman” in a deep manly voce. The lights came on in the room again and I couldn’t see anyone around. But I had a feel of the clothes I was wearing and I was surprised. I was wearing a full batman costume with a mask. I loved this.

All of a sudden I heard someone scream “HELP ME PLEASE BATMAN!”. I loved this call. I got up out of my hospital bed and ran into the distance.

It was the joker chasing after innocent civilians. I looked at him and he started laughing. I tackled him to the floor and put him in handcuffs. He didn’t like it and kept calling me a scaredy cat and I just said no that’s your friend cat woman. He didn’t like me but that’s not the end of the world I guess. The police came and picked him up and arrested the Joker for being a public nuisance.

My girlfriend rocked up at the site and asked me where I got the clothes from . I told her all about the situation and she didn’t believe me. I then told her that I found them on the ground. She just called me gross.

Today has been a good day and I am proud to say that one day I will be able to combine my bat senses with my yoga program I follow on the TV.

My name is Yoga-bat.